In a meeting I was in yesterday, there was a confrontation that became quite emotional. There were only three of us in the room, thank goodness I wasn’t involved in the confrontation but it was fairly awkward for me just to sit there and listen.
Don’t you hate it when you think of the best and most helpful comment just minutes after the conversation occurred… Well, this happened to me. While my manager was raising her voice I really wish I had given her a look that told her to stop because it wasn’t helping (I have a pretty good relationship with my manager).
How would you have dealt with the situation if you were in her shoes? Would you have raised your voice letting your emotions get the better of you or would you have remained calm thinking objectively?
It comes down to emotional intelligence (EQ) and looking at the situation from a broader perspective. Emotional intelligence can be defined as “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.” Or in simple terms having the ability to recognize and regulate your own emotions, while empathizing with others and maintaining an awareness of their reactions.
Studies have shown that people who have a high emotional intelligence tend to manage people better because it enables you to manage relationships more effectively, even if and when conflicts arise.
You may or may not manage people but we can all learn emotional intelligence. How can you practice emotional intelligence?
- Having a deep understanding of yourself. This will help provide an accurate perception of how you are coming across to others
- Know what makes you tick
- Be open to feedback and criticism. It can sometimes be difficult to receive criticism but most times there is a lot or even a little bit of truth behind the criticism. Often times our perception of how we come across is shaded or clouded over by our emotions
- Always hear someone’s feedback out. Even if you do not agree with all of it there may be an underlying truth.
- Identity your feelings throughout the day. This is best practiced when you are experiencing strong emotions. This will not only help to develop your emotional vocabulary but it will also help you to think and take a step back instead of blurting out the first thought that comes to your mind.
- BREATHE. BREATHE. BREATHE. When we feel stressed, we become very emotional, our bodies tend to jump at the first threat that arises.
- When you feel tense and stressed, take a second to breathe slowly and deeply
Reacting in the best way possible during stressful times can be extremely difficult but it can be learned over time. If you use the above tips you will be well on your way to increasing your emotional intelligence.
Confused New Grad 
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